As I lie in bed, too tired/lazy to study and to awake to sleep I found myself watching a video of US Navy soldiers worshipping Jesus. It sounds like a strange thing to watch but it really was such a cool and encouraging thing for me. As I was watching this video I had the thought "Why am I watching this?". I paused and had a short but deep recollection of memories. I wondered why I spend my hours arranging music that praises His name, or loving on kids who are so vulnerable it hurts to think about, or why I spend a lot of my free time chatting with Him, about Him, or thinking about Him so I can teach others. I had a bizarre realisation that my entire life revolves around Him. I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting as I study counselling and if I put myself in my old self I would never imagine my future self to be living this way. The old me's life revolved around me. What a disappointing and lonesome way to live! Don't get me wrong, I had highs of all sorts. But they were deceivingly fleeting.
At this moment right now, I am thankful. I think that in the midst of time and its inconsiderate character to yield, it becomes so easy to forget how different we have actually become(for better or worse). Tonight, I am amazed at the way I made bad decision after bad decision and somehow still ended up running, no -crashing, into the heart of God and have been able to experience the joy of His continual ability to cleanse and cleanse thoroughly. Shame and guilt silently follow me but He never stops giving me the persistence to unabashedly use my sin for His glory. I am different than who I was… I am changed. And as I am changed I am so thankful to be an agent of change on a mission to love. At this moment I am thankful.
Please do not take this as self praise. I am far from worthy of any. But God, He's great and I love Him : )Props to JC
P.S. I am still trying to raise enough funds to fly me back to be with my family for Christmas. I now have an account with the sending project which allows you to make a donation via debit/credit card online! I will be posting some info soon about how you can do that if you would like to. Hope that you all are well; love and blessings to you!
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