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It would be 3 in the morning and I was still awake shivering my buns off snuggled deep into layers of whatever thick clothes I could put on without looking incredibly awkward. Winter in Cape Town is harsh (keep in mind that I am also a Californian). Most of the time it was a constant high volume snore. The kind that sounded as if it was coming from a very old and hefty size man. Here and there I was blessed with shrieks and mish-mosh phrases that made no sense. The shocking fact, was that underneath those covers lay a small young woman. Not a bear. Not a fat old man. 

Patience, was my roommate during my internship with JAM. She was one of the most intense sleepers. She would have the most hectic dreams vividly displayed in her unconscious state. Sometimes I would pray for her, other times I woke her up (with a nudge or a shout), and there were those moments where I experienced a conglomeration of angry thoughts and proceeded to pray for forgiveness... What I thought was so interesting was that whenever she would wake up from in the middle of a dream, she was so peaceful. Like nothing was happening inside. Confused really as to why I was nudging her awake she'd smile and still half-asleep, say something that made no sense. 

On nights when we both couldn't sleep, we would stay up and chat and get to know each others' stories. Cultures apart we became fast friends. The one thing that sticks out in Patience, like a mormon at a Slipknot concert, was her joy. She had such a beautiful belly shaking laugh. Even her fake laughs were so convincing they contagiously brought you real joy. You see, Patience had a past that was filled with pain and rejection. Plenty of reasons to wake up in the middle of the night screaming. But her joy. That is what people remember about her. Something only Jesus can supply to a person's soul. 

She had this thing she did with her head where she would tilt it to one side, often in a silly way (whether she realised it or not), when she would ask a question. Sometimes if she got really excited or if there were multiple consecutive questions, it would  tilt from side to side and back again. Even if you were trying to have a very serious conversation with her she had a way to work a few giggles out of you. 

Besides her joy, she had this fearless trust in God. Ironically, she had many fears which included water because she couldn't swim. But that didn't stop her from doing things (like kayak in a pond for the first time in her life by herself without a life jacket…). She loved experiencing new things in life and lived with a childlike wonder of God. Something i always respected. She saw God through a telescope not like the rest of us as we often take out a microscope. She new what God had brought her out of and that fed her fearless trust in her heavenly Dad. 

From a young age she was parentless and became a mom to her younger siblings. She was young but her innate strong nurturing heart enabled her to take care of her sisters. Inside and out sis was a weird mix of sweet and spit-fire. She could be so sweet and yet so sassy all at once. 

One of my favourite things was the way she said my name. Always so sincere she pronounced the "a" as a low "ah" and a very sharp "d" sound. After the internship ended and we were no longer living in the same room, I loved getting these recorded messages on my phone. She always started the message with my name even if we were in the middle of a conversation. 

Then death came. Saturday night was the worst. And I tried to compose myself as I sat in the Sunday service the next day. Every time a lyric or example of Jesus dying was presented I immediately jumped back to Patience. I know that day is supposed to be all about Him, but on that day for Him, it was all about us. And I couldn't help but to think about Patience. Death came. But with it came life. And as Jesus lives so does Patience's baby girl. And although her daughter may have some of the same struggles Patience did, it will be part of God's story of her. And God will make a way. And it will be beautiful. 

I am writing this just to try and process through her death. It has been a real hard time for all of us who were close to Patience. Wanted to look back at my memories of her. She was too young to leave so soon. And I often catch myself in a destructive playback of what my mind imagines how things happened that day. But God has other plans. And although I cannot see the good in it, I trust in God's grace. And I know that she is experiencing the most joy she has ever experienced in life. For her, it is good to be where she is. 

Please come alongside me and others in prayer to support those grieving who Patience has made such an impression on.